Do you have an overly critical mind when you try to meditate?
As I share more about meditation. I recognize that I had a few advantages that other people may not have when I was starting out. One of those benefits is that my mind has never been mean to me. We speak about a racing (or monkey) mind, but we don’t address the disparaging mind. The overly critical mind can be an intimidating force to reckon with when you’re trying to commit to a consistent meditation practice.
When I started my meditation practice over a decade ago I didn’t experience the resistance that comes from an internal dialogue that has been shaped by internalized bullying and harsh criticism. I attribute this to my formative years in Haiti. I experienced the truth of who I am early on. I had so many mirrors in my family, in our cultural expressions, in my relationship with spirit and nature. When I moved to the US the bullying and verbal assault I experienced did not penetrate my understanding of myself, instead it just confused me. But I still needed a way to cope with being in spaces where bullying was a part of my reality. I built a retreat within my imagination and psyche that allowed me to keep seeing myself as I am not as the world would like me to believe. My mind was a friendly, affirming and spacious place for me to return to. Years later, this practice helped me to drop into meditation with ease from the very beginning. Hence meditation became a space for me to expand my imagination and my perception into deeper realities within my own psyche.
If you want to commit to a meditation practice, but your internal dialogue isn’t a kind or welcoming space. You may want to include journaling with your meditation practice. You can use journaling prompts to discern and release the internal voices that are not yours so you can create a more friendly playground for your meditation practice.
Where to start:
If you’d like to give this practice a try, it works best during a silent meditation. Have your journal and pen next to you. Set an intention, an example could be “my intention is to cultivate a kinder environment in my mind” Then start your meditation as you normally would. When the critical voice arises, pause your meditation, write in your journal… I heard “ ….” where does that come from? If you receive an immediate insight, write it down and go back into your meditation. If you don’t receive any response, return to your meditation. I would suggest limiting these meditations to only 20-25 minutes a session. I would also recommend that you mix up this technique with a mantra meditation.
